Accountable

One night while flipping through the channels I came across one of those Joel Osteen 30 minute sermons.  I paused on it for a minute and heard him say “let nothing steal your joy”.  Those words radiated in my heart.  They stuck with me and got me thinking about how much food at one time in my life stole so much joy from me.  When I sat down to write my blog this week I initially started with a whole other topic.  As I wrote I found myself thinking again about food and how overeating can steal so much joy so here I am writing about that now.

When I was overweight I hated how I looked.  I hated going places.  I felt uncomfortable around people.  I think the worst time for me was after having my son.  It was the heaviest I had been.  I hated going out with my husband.  I thought people would look at us like oh my God that girl is huge what is he doing with her.  To make matters worse for extra money he was bouncing at a bar.  Thin women were everywhere.  I knew to him it didn’t matter but to me it did.  It just made me feel worse.  I really couldn’t even enjoy being a mother I felt it difficult to move and hard to keep up with my baby.  It wasn’t just my weight though that stole my joy.  My mind was on food most of the time too.  I didn’t enjoy things I did unless there was food involved, it occurred to me how a plate of pasta prepared with sauce and lots of cheese would bring a smile to my face more than being told a compliment.

When I really let myself believe I’m worth it and rejoined weight watchers ,  I realize now I was on my first step to stopping food from stealing my joy.    Getting determined to change my exercise ways was the next step to stopping food from stealing from me.  After becoming determined, I became accountable.  Accountability for me meant I couldn’t hide from what I was eating.  At weight watchers you learn to track your food.  Basically the saying is, you bite it you write it (and trust me I do). 

I had a close friend recently tell me she finds it difficult to write down what she is eating.  I honestly could relate.  For me as well it felt at first as if I was entering my food confessional booth, confessing all my food sins.  It took a bit but I did realize this is my way of becoming aware.  Aware of what I’m eating, aware of how I’m eating.  I began to see writing my food down as an opportunity to learn about myself and my relationship with food.  Now I see it as my security system if I’m in danger of eating unhealthy it will alert me and I can make changes before I lose my joy to that pesky thief.  It has most importantly become my way of holding myself accountable for the food choices I make. 

If you are experiencing what I did with food stealing your joy, I want to tell you that there is hope.  That food is not in the position of power, you are.  That as hard as it may be to confront your eating habits you can in fact do it.  Be accountable for your decisions with food.  Use your determination and always remember you are worth it!